Once Again

I last blogged back in January we have had a lot of computer problems, they will be fixed Wednesday.  Also since my last post my 92 year old mother died. The grief for that is a strange thing. I last saw her about two years ago. It had gotten so she could not even recognize her own children. It is the saddest thing in the world when an old person’s mind is gone but the body keeps on going.

The theme for the month is to give up something. I don’t know if I will stick to theme all month but to start. I am going to give up trying to grieve for my mother as the world does. I had actually done that a couple of years ago when she stopped knowing who I was.

I keet thinking she and dad were dancing now. I never actually saw them dancing, theirs was a private love. But it was long lasting love. If dad has lived eight more days they would have reached their Sixtieth wedding anniversary. Very few couples manage to stay married even a third of that amount of time most of today’s marriages are a couple of years then move on to the next partner.

When Mario and I got married we were given a plaque we have in the living room.

Marriage Takes Three
by Beth Stuckwick
Marriage takes three to be complete;
It’s not enough for two to meet.
They must be united in love
By love’s Creator, God above.
A marriage that follows God’s plan
Takes more than a woman and man.
It needs a oneness that can be
Only from Christ– marriage takes three.

I am posting some of my older poems and articles on my website. Today I posted an article about Vladimir the translator from the mission trip I went on. Vladimir was an interesting person in his own right, especially with the Chernobyl connection. He was forced into that nuclear nightmare to help clean up, “against his will” as he put it. We just don’t understand the ways of another country. And there is a lot of our country that they don’t understand.

I had a lot of nice things to talk about when I was interacting with a lot of people every day. ever since I married Mario seven years ago I have been out in the country with no one around to talk to, I never got connected to anyone the church was to big and to far away to really get to know anybody. In seven years there have only met three people I really became friends with and never got really close to any of them. I was actually getting close to one person but she moved away. I lost all my friends of years ago when I moved. The problem is in times past people would live in the same area for years they would meet others early and would grow knowing all about them, becoming friends or perhaps not. They were never dropped in a strange place alone to make friends from thin air. If I had been working outside the home or going to some kind of school I might have made friends. Now I did work in the schools for a while but there was no teacher’s lounge for like minded teachers to have a place to talk. There was nothing but the teacher’s lunch table in the middle of hundreds of kids talking at a level that is uncomfortable to me.

It was not a good thing for me to be so alone. I always thought with time to myself I would get a lot of writing done. Well I have proved that wrong. The time was there to write but not the drive to write. I need to have the self discipline to get something completed. Before the stroke I did a lot if crafts. They allowed me to see things completed. It allowed me to make things of beauty and feel good about my handiwork. I would not only make designs from books and magazines or quite often made my own designs. After the strokes I have not even been able to make the simplest thing. I tried to teach my niece to make a simple Christmas decoration last year and I wasn’t able to show her what her hands needed to do. Not being able to do what I always took such comfort in doing is demoralizing. I feel more crippled in my creativity than I do in my walk.

I am getting better slowly but, at present, I am very frustrated. I need to take down the Christmas tree but could not even put it up by myself. I had made all those Christmas ornaments they are like old friends to me. Each stands for hours of time I had invested in making a thing of beauty. When I did craft shows I made good money for making things of beauty. that made me feel good about myself. Where can I get that feeling when one hand is meanly a useless claw.

Annette
“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery- from The Little Prince.~ http://onceagain.freeblogit.com/ and
http://sites.google.com/a/wildblue.net/my-corner-of-the-world/home and
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/just4christianwomen2journal/ and http://annette-agnello.livejournal.com/

Today went strangely, to say the least. Have you ever gone to a funeral and ended up not going?

*
Let me start a little earlier. Mario had a rider he picks up and drives to work with every day. Keith has been on a different shift for work for the past couple of months and was supposed to start back on first shift and Mario was supposed to start picking him up again Monday. He called Satarday and told us his wife’s father had died late Thursday night after a long illness. Saturday his own father died suddenly and unexpectedly. Two days apart two death to deal with in one household. Keith is a nice guy so both of us decided to go to the funeral.
*
It was about an hour and a half drive. We stopped at a gas station within sight of the funeral home. We got ready to go to the viewing which was before the service. The transmission was gone, reverse first then just as we drove into the funeral home parking lot. We coasted into a space with the final gasp of the car.
*
We greeted both of them and told them we had to wait for the tow truck, thank the Lord for AAA, this tow alone covers the cost for a year. We were in the parking lot as everyone pulled out fro the graveyard. We had just given the tow truck the address and phone number for Pangles Auto Repair. Fortunately the tow truck had gotten my turncoat of a car out of the way. Before we saw the funeral procession driving out. We had about an hour’s wait still Mario’s sister came and rescued us. So we went to the funeral and we didn’t, we ended up spending all of our time in the parking lot instead.

Annette
“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery- from The Little Prince.~ http://onceagain.freeblogit.com/ and  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/just4christianwomen2journal/ and http://annette-agnello.livejournal.com/