Once Again

I am posting some of my older poems and articles on my website. Today I posted an article about Vladimir the translator from the mission trip I went on. Vladimir was an interesting person in his own right, especially with the Chernobyl connection. He was forced into that nuclear nightmare to help clean up, “against his will” as he put it. We just don’t understand the ways of another country. And there is a lot of our country that they don’t understand.

I had a lot of nice things to talk about when I was interacting with a lot of people every day. ever since I married Mario seven years ago I have been out in the country with no one around to talk to, I never got connected to anyone the church was to big and to far away to really get to know anybody. In seven years there have only met three people I really became friends with and never got really close to any of them. I was actually getting close to one person but she moved away. I lost all my friends of years ago when I moved. The problem is in times past people would live in the same area for years they would meet others early and would grow knowing all about them, becoming friends or perhaps not. They were never dropped in a strange place alone to make friends from thin air. If I had been working outside the home or going to some kind of school I might have made friends. Now I did work in the schools for a while but there was no teacher’s lounge for like minded teachers to have a place to talk. There was nothing but the teacher’s lunch table in the middle of hundreds of kids talking at a level that is uncomfortable to me.

It was not a good thing for me to be so alone. I always thought with time to myself I would get a lot of writing done. Well I have proved that wrong. The time was there to write but not the drive to write. I need to have the self discipline to get something completed. Before the stroke I did a lot if crafts. They allowed me to see things completed. It allowed me to make things of beauty and feel good about my handiwork. I would not only make designs from books and magazines or quite often made my own designs. After the strokes I have not even been able to make the simplest thing. I tried to teach my niece to make a simple Christmas decoration last year and I wasn’t able to show her what her hands needed to do. Not being able to do what I always took such comfort in doing is demoralizing. I feel more crippled in my creativity than I do in my walk.

I am getting better slowly but, at present, I am very frustrated. I need to take down the Christmas tree but could not even put it up by myself. I had made all those Christmas ornaments they are like old friends to me. Each stands for hours of time I had invested in making a thing of beauty. When I did craft shows I made good money for making things of beauty. that made me feel good about myself. Where can I get that feeling when one hand is meanly a useless claw.

Annette
“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery- from The Little Prince.~ http://onceagain.freeblogit.com/ and
http://sites.google.com/a/wildblue.net/my-corner-of-the-world/home and
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/just4christianwomen2journal/ and http://annette-agnello.livejournal.com/